Elegy

by Abdul Hadi W.M.
1980
translated by Harry Aveling

My Enemies, who are also my friends,
often come
and hurt me. Then they heal me.
"let`s build a bridge," they say. We
build the bridge. Then destroy it again.

They never notice. I always forget.

They come
and plant their claws in me. They break
my plates, my chairs, my table, my poems,
my freedom, my pride

I suspect
they despise me and my freedom
just as I suspect
they despise their own fear
and disappointment

Where do they go? Do they take shelter
or merely rest?
Like them, my heart
is full of caves
and long grass
sometimes I can`t see them
sometimes I don`t want to

What if they find
the sharp blade I keep hidden?
What if they hear
my endless anger,
my greater freedom?

I tell them: "I am free,
even though you want to kill me.
You can surround me and hunt me down
and I will still be free
I am free because pain, my pain,
make me free."
like me they are lousy lovers.
None of us has time for love or our lovers.
We hunt emptiness and futility
They want to kill me because they suspect
I want to kill them.
I want to kill them because I suspect
they want to kill me,
You and I should help them.
We should help ourselves.